Are you a parent reading this and listening to the sounds of your sweet child in the background? Be warned...in years to come, these gorgeous, sweet, loving children metamorphasise into creatures far scarier than anything that your wildest dreams could ever imagine.....that's right, I'm talking about TEENAGERS!!!
Even the name 'teenager' stirs a sense of panic within that makes you want to run for the hills! And believe me, it is justified. Let me explain.....
1) Teenagers can be selfish! Everything is about them. They work on teenager time when doing the chores but expect you to stand to attention when they want something.
2) Teenagers sleep! No longer are early rises customary. They live like vampires....sounds emit from their now-closed doors late into the night but come sunrise they are fast asleep!
3) Teenagers eat! We have taken to hiding our favourite foods away from teenage eyes. For example...that huge jar of olives that we bought a few days ago....well, I found the remnants of it in the Superteen's room yesterday....seeds and all! Which leads me to my next point....
4) Teenagers can be lazy! They are prepared to sit and watch you run around like a slave but ask them to hang their towels back on the rack or put their clothes in the clothes basket and you'd think that you were asking them to gouge out an eye! Ouch!
5) Teenagers can be looks-obsessed! That kid that would wear anything you bought suddenly becomes a style expert...naturally in a style that is a polar opposite to yours! Clothes, shoes, hair and even accessories are all scrutinised on their 'cool' factor!
6) Teenagers become music experts (eat your heart out Molly Meldrum)! That quiet little spot that was your child's room now has a never ending 'doof-doof' sound emitting from it when they are home! I believe they call it music although it's not something that I recognise! But take heart, now they have ipods so if you ask them to get rid of said music, they shove little white plugs into their ears - ensuring deafness for future years - so that you cannot even have a conversation with your teenager without screaming at them to get the things out of their ears!
7) Teenagers can be friend crazy! No longer are you the centre of their universe and, to be honest, it hurts! Suddenly, their friends are THE most important people in their lives and their social life is all important. Believe me, you can tell them that that new shirt that you bought for them looks great but it will sit in the cupboard untouched. Have one of their friends come over and admire same shirt and you won't get it off their back! And don't get me started on the texting, skyping, msn-ing etc that goes on between 'the friends'! That is an issue left for a whole other post!
8) Teenagers can be computer maestros! If you think that you are pretty computer savvy cause you read blogs and use facebook a bit, think again! That teen will outwit, outsmart and outsneak you on almost every level...unless of course, you are Bill Gates reading this and if so, then ignore point 8!!!
9) Teenagers don't drive! Remember those bumper stickers that were huge in the 80s that had 'mum's taxi' on them? As a teenager then, I'd roll my eyes when I saw them....now I want one for my car! Don't expect to have much free time when you have a teenager cause your life becomes about dropping off and picking up without so much as a please or thank you (until you remind them, of course!)
10) Teenagers don't like rules! This is the age when rules are challenged....and challenged....and challenged again! Firm consequences are fine but when you enforce them expect a psycho tantrum despite all of your previous warnings and reminders. It's just par for the course though...roll with the tanty and you do survive!
11) Teenagers can have girlfriends...or boyfriends! This is the age where, for most kids, the opposite sex is suddenly very, very appealing. The whole boyfriend/girlfriend thing sends a shudder down my spine but I'm living through it! Unfortunately, they are past the age where having a 'girlfriend' means that you sit next to her at lunch time. These days, it's serious business! It's the age and stage where you can only pray that all of your life lessons on responsibility and trust pay off and that having a 'friend' means no more than a few snogs and holding hands down the street! And of course, that your nagging voice of 'be responsible' keeps echoing in their head as they jump out of the car on their next social adventure!
12) Teenagers are emotional roller coasters. One moment they will bite your head off, the next moment they will give you a great big hug! Go figure! It's these latter moments that mums like me live for and realise that there is just a glimmer of hope that we'll all get through these years in one piece.....maybe!
PS...If you have a teenager and are reading this going....'That's not my child' then you are so lucky and I envy that fact that you don't have to go through the fun and games that I'm experiencing right now.
PPS....I do love my teenager though....I really, really do!!!
Down to the River
16 hours ago