"Did my heart love till now? forswear it, sight! For I ne'er saw true beauty till this night." - Romeo & Juliet
Have you ever experienced that moment, that oneness in time when you looked across a crowded room, only to lock eyes with a complete stranger who you knew, in a split second, that you were meant to be with???
For me, never, but I was shocked and surprised recently to discover that some of my very sensible friends are true believers of this phenomenon!
Certainly, I have seen it on television, in movies and read about it in books. Stories everywhere uphold this notion with reverence. The movie, Junebug gives a classic example of the whole crowded room scene. Stephenie Meyer, in her New Moon novel calls it 'imprinting' (Ok, she was talking in terms of werewolves but hey, it's the same notion!). Kylie Minogue has sung about it. Even ancient mythology involving cupids and love arrows in the heart have depicted the possibility.
So with all of this knowledge, I began to wonder. Was this notion of love at first sight just a misinterpretation for lust? Was I missing out in never having experienced it? And if so, what does that mean for all of us who have founded relationships on good old fashioned dating possibilities? And why on earth am I so obsessed with the idea? Is it because I am just an old fashioned romantic who can't believe that I didn't fall in love this way? Or is it just cause it's holidays and I have way too much time on my hands and am bored?! (Rofl...there are many who would agree with the latter!)
I met my husband in a pub. A crowded, smoky, noisy, smelly pub room in the bottom of the building. It was St Patricks night and it was the place to be squashed into if you wanted to celebrate. Our first meeting was not auspicious. He was drunk! I had the potential to be. I took one look at him and said 'no thanks'. I was more interested in the cute guy near the bar (who obviously had no interest in me!) but I was shy. Throughout the night he was persistent. He kept approaching. He started conversation to which I politely responded (and wished under my breath that he would just go away!). He made silly comments and I rolled my eyes. (Couldn't he see that I was not interested?!). But as the evening continued, I started to yield. I have often wondered if it was that by end of the evening I had consumed more alcohol and was more relaxed or if it was due to divine intervention, but he started to wear me down. By the end of the evening, he asked for my telephone number and I gave it. He wrote it on his hand before jumping into a taxi! What the hey! He probably won't ring anyway, I thought. It will probably wash off his hand! And if he does ring, I'll deal with it then.
Well, obviously, he did ring and he did ask me out. I took a chance. I was excited that this was someone new in my life and that my dating potential had gone up by about a zillion percent! It was not love at first sight, for sure, but over the next few months I somehow began to fall head-over-heels in love. I got palpitations when he rang. I counted down hours, minutes until I would see him again. I felt something more than what I did as a single person. I can still recall the feelings, the lust and head-spinning excitement of the first few years.
Fast forward 16 years and here we are....married, parents, picket-fence type houses, worries, age lines etc etc.
So in my journey to understand this love at first sight concept, I went to the one person who I should be able to discuss all things intimate with. I asked him as I knew he'd had an experience similar long before he met me.
Me: You know this whole 'love at first sight' thing?
DH: Yes
Me: Did you have it when you first saw me?
DH: Yes!
Me: C'mon, you were drunk!
DH: Oh yeah....well no, I didn't have it then.
Me: But you have had it?
DH: Yes.
Me: And??? (Waiting with baited anticipation!)
DH: It's overrated. Just cause you have it doesn't mean it lasts. It was great at the time but it was so long ago and I'm much happier being married to you.
Ok, heart restarted! Me melting on couch!
And it was in that moment that I realised that it just doesn't matter. What matters is not how we found each other but what we've made with each other and how far we've come since that first unpromising encounter. Would I have preferred to have the lustful look across the room to begin with? Hell, yeah! But as my dear friend (yes, you know who you are!) said, "Perhaps you're just a simmerer! One who prefers the slow boil!" Perhaps, but at the end of the day, if we are still going strong and can look forward to growing old and gray together then what does it matter!
**And yes, photo is of my wedding! Note the smaller hips in those days! ;)
